Hole In Cheese

So the deadline of a post a week has been going great but only in my head.

Working for years with imposed newsroom deadlines will ruin you for self imposed ones I guess.

Lots has happened since now and that french class.

I'll use a list to help keep things straight --

#1.

My French class ended and my teacher actually gave me a sincere “Bonne chance, MoneeKah” (good luck) before I left the room...but not before I worked into our last skit a grand story that was most certainly about a cat on vacation with me at the beach.

#2.

I overcame my mountain climbing wimpiness –whoohoo!

I think we have hiked around four really big ones since my nervous breakdown at Dent d’oche. Which by chance we can see from our apartment window. Every other day Derek will look out to it with love and admiration and yell “DOSH! We were on that mountain, Pawsum!!"

We've hiked through loads of cows in many places, to the point that now it seems normal. Though some have horns and that's always scary to me -- even scarier was seeing a dead one get lassoed by one ankle and airlifted out of the mountain by helicopter. They took him for dog food (seriously, not kidding.)

Another trip had us hiking around 7 hours and thousands of feet but it was all worth it to lay hands on a 10,000 year old glacier. It's been one of Derek's dream things to do and I am so happy we could do that together.

We sat on it and ate Mexican party nuts and thought of how much it has been through and experienced in it's existence -- including now us, and it made us feel very small, and everything else very grand -- as we think it should.

But, yea! so! take that Dent DOSH! Eat-it MORDOR! You got my tears but the glacier at Le Grand Desert Lake got my heart! And it even gave us a congratulations balloon! (see photos below.)

#3.

My birthday just passed (THANK YOU! for all the awesome birthday cards and gifts! It's so cool to get mail from back home!).

And Derek surprised me with a weekend trip to Verona, Italy to go see the Opera at one of the oldest Roman theaters in existence -- it was just like in Gladiator -- and that movie was awesome.

He also made reservations at a Michelin star restaurant before hand -- It was 9 courses! I ate a cuddlefish and raw venison! The chef was awesome and terrifying! Derek and I both started betting on who would win in a fight, The chef from the "Corner BYOB" in Hampden, or Italian Michelin Chef! In the words of kitchen stadium's chairman --"A LA CUISINE!"

Not needless to say MY MIND WAS BLOWN and I waddled gracefully to the opera.

I've never gotten to go nice places when I've traveled -- Baghdad, Ballad, Abu Ghraib, military base in Germany, military base in Haiti, military base in Kentucky, Illinois, N.C. V.A. M.D. F.L.

New Orleans underwater, Mississippi underwater, Texas in a hurricane etc. always a hell zone.

So it was lovely and much appreciated traveling to a place where the only thing falling out of the sky was sunshine and operatic sounds.

Best birthday of my life -- ahead of the "Alf " party, age 9 and my Texas Chainsaw Massacre chili dog party, age 10. (Mama, they were both awesome too though!)

#4.

As was discussed in blog post #3--The word for cat is spelled Chat.

Chats here weren't responding to "kitty, kitty" and I am positive it wasn't me they were ignoring, no, no, -- just my English.

After learning this, I've been calling out in the streets for any wandering ones that I see, "Chat! chat! come here, lil chat!"...and as mentioned in french class I worked them into as many skits as I could -- Chats and Mr. DuBois.
Without fail my teacher would stop me and correct my pronunciation, "MoNeeKah, NOT 'ChAT', ((((shaking head)))))) we don't pronounce the T!

Ok, ok, lady....crazy language, leaving letters off words and Shi*.

I feel Derek is better with the language than I am. He does most of our talking -- he's the mouth and I am the ears and more often than we'd like, we're both an ass.

Derek was out talking with our elderly neighbors after our stinky bio-bin blew off the balcony, strowing rotten veggies all over their yard.

During conversations, Derek keeps confusing the words for wife and mother, which is an improvement because he was calling me "mon frere" which means, "my brother".
Being in public and having your husband look at you and say "MON FRERE, I love you!" will bring a smile to your face like none other.

Anyway, he said to these old people that his "Mom" (that's me) loves to pet their chat whenever she sees it in the yard.
If they have even noticed me, I hope they think "wow, she looks amazing to be in her 60's!" Or I adopted an adult son and am inappropriately affectionate with him -- OR hopefully they just get that my husband is trying to say, wife.
The cat they own is HUGE, fluffy and awesome and I do stop and squeeze my grabby little hand through their gate to pet it every chance I get -- softly whispering "chat, chat, chat...come here." he comes over to get some pets from me -- everybody is happy.

*Stick with me, this is going somewhere

I miss my own back home, so getting to pet any cats I see here makes me feel better. Except for this one in Italy.... I followed him behind a car and he gave me the stink-eye and then started to pee. The pee shot straight out of his butt and hit against this stone wall so hard that it was spraying right back onto his body! I have never seen a cat pee like that before. I did not want to pet that cat.

Anyhow's, we we're just at an awesome dinner party this weekend, with amazing people, tons of local food and wines, and cheeses, meats -- totally regal, and this is where we learned that chat means vagina -- not in a medical way; in the most vulgar way.

Chat means the "P" word.

I hate the "P" word. I know it doesn't bother some people. Some embrace it.

For me though, as early as second grade my last name, Lopossay, was transformed into La"P" word. This will make you not like it.

AND PLUS it's not even spelled LApossay! it's LO, LOPOssay...Its a very special and unique last name.

You don't change a Unicorn, to UniCOCK just because its funny.

bwhahhahhaha!

...ok, so maybe you do.

So, I've been the neighborhood weirdo who sneaks around yards and fences begging to pet your family "chat"....all while her husband or son, or brother, watches with a smile on his face.
Lord knows what our poor elderly neighbors think of us.
I failed to mention when Derek told them I like to pet their chat -- the husband immediately called for his wife to come out and handed Derek over to her. Not sure how we should take that but...

Good gravy.

#5.

The most important thing on this list is we have begun to make some really great friends here (despite our filthy mouths). They have shown us so much about where we live -- things that would likely take us the whole year to find out, if never. We are thankful for building these new ties with them but more so this makes me think of you all. How I met each of you and how our friendships began. None of it coincidence.

I definitely miss home -- the communities I rooted myself in are not here, you all are not here, and that is hard.

I miss you.

I have leapt a lot in life --wise, and not so wise (as my dad would say, "That's called livin")

Embracing change for the

difficult choices,

bad choices,

amazing choices.

I believe with enough time and prospective they are all one in the same, and there is comfort in that.

So, I love and miss you all very much -- don't forget.
And please drink a good beer for us, as there is almost only yellow beer here.

Love, ya'll

Madame Warner

Lady of Canton Vaud in our year of the Chat, 2013.

Sleeping and being busted at school.

Busted trying to lure "Swan" our neighbor's cat, and while he's amazing, giant and fluffy - has the worst smelling breath in the whole animal kingdom.

Wild flowers grow everywhere here and more kinds than I've ever know exist.

Clueson Dam

This is not photoshop -- this is the color of the water here. They call it glacier milk. I am sure it taste like a york peppermint paddy but I didn't try it...

Out-house

Dead cow

Staying the night at the refuge -- everything is communal, eating, sleeping, out house --I am totally fine with that but I was grumpy there was only toast and chocolate spread for breakfast. I NEED bacon and eggs. Derek was absolutely fine with chocolate for breakfast -- he gave me mexican party nuts and told me to "suck it up pawsum! we got a mountain to hike!"

If Derek could take two wives, one would be me and the other a Swiss Alp.

....As our Pastor, Matt Fouse would say, "sure beats the alternative"

CHEESE CAVE, A cave of nothing but cheeeeeeeese. You could look the cow that made it right in the eyes while eating it and softly coo to it -thank yooooooou <3

Derek on a 10,000 yr-old glacier - it was an awesome and breathtaking moment.

We are thousands of feet up in the Alps, hours away from any town, and Derek goes around a rock to pee comes back with this -- We kept it. We think it was meant for us to find and anways there shouldn't be litter in a place like this.

These fellas were just there for dinner but had their squeeze boxes so they played for everyone.

Then a whole group was lead in song. We felt like we were in a Disney production and we loved it.

This is the best soup I have had in my life -- soupe de chalet, outside the castle in Gruyere

Typical Swiss mom - just hiking to a glacier with her baby. No big deal.

Likely excited about cheese

Always cows, so many cows

Getting ready to go to the opera in Italy for my 37th bday -- The opera was amazing, though it was four hours long and I have only begun to get feeling back in my rear end.

One of the 9 courses we had -- I can't even remember which one but the chef would stand at our table until we each took a bite and he did that for every dish he brought out and he had lots of tattoos and looked like he could be in an Italian mob and if any dish had not been absolutely delicious you better believe I wasn't saying so.